Last time on Pixie Rants: Commoditization of sex, specifically the idea that women are the “gatekeepers” of sex, sucks ass for lady-types because we have to be able to say “yes” or “no” based entirely on our partners’ behavior, rather than our own desires.
Today on Pixie Rants: Let’s look at the other side of that coin.
Like most of us, I began my adventures in dating with opposite-sex normalcy. Well, relative normalcy. As normal as it could be to be kissed for the first time when 20. Whatever.
Anyway, it wasn’t until later in life that I finally came to grips with the fact that I like boobs, and it wasn’t until even later that I finally got up the courage to do something about it and spent some time on the other side of the dating pool. And you know what I found out?
Asking girls out is hard!
All the lady-lovers ever: “No fucking shit, Pixie.”
Hey, cut me some slack, it was a revelation to me.
The script that a lot of ladies had in their heads ran something like this:
Man: “Wanna go out?”
Woman: “No.”
Man: “How about I sweeten the deal?”
Woman: “Wellllll…”
Man: “What if I continue to pester and offer more things?”
Woman: “OK, fine.”
Like I said last time, this is the way many women are taught to be. They’re told that unless they play hard to get and do this little song-and-dance to wheedle what they want out of a guy before giving in to sex, they’ll never be treated well in their relationships. Because clearly you can control the actions of an asshole with your own.
But much as it sucks ass to be on the gatekeeper side of this script, it also sucks to be on the pursuer side. Suddenly, I found myself having to screw my courage to the sticking point and do all the asking. And if I didn’t, well, then no pussy for me.
But you know what was the worst? The ladies expected me to push regardless of her answer. The all-powerful script declares that a woman is supposed to play hard to get and say no regardless of what she actually feels in order to elicit further favors, so the guy (or, in my case, lover-of-boobs) is supposed to continue to pursue her after she’s said no. If he doesn’t, he’s a weakling who doesn’t deserve to “get” sex anyway.
But if he does… he’s totally violating consent at that point. She’s said no, that she’s not interested, and he’s pestering her further.
It’s a fucking catch-22. If he doesn’t, he’s a wuss, if he does, he’s an asshole.
In what twisted world does this make any fucking sense? This broken system fucks over the women, and it’s fucking over the men too, teaching them that only assholes get rewarded with sex. And that sex is a thing you can get as a reward. What the fucking actual fuck?! It’s no wonder our sex lives are shit if we have no fucking clue how to think about sex. God fucking damn it.
Tea. More tea. I need tea.
Next time: Pixie takes on virginity culture while trying to stay a little calmer.
