While writing my brilliant opus complaining about my labia, I realized that my issues with my genitals are greater than just their looks.
Being a vagina-haver who frequently engages in PIV sex with her partner, I rely heavily on my pussy’s ability to get lubed up. Sure, sure, there’s such a thing as synthetic lube, but I’ve never found one I liked as well as my own natural lubricant. And since the Dearly Beloved is just a little too large for me to easily accommodate, I have to be reasonably well aroused before starting. I mean, I can do it without, it just… hurts. Fun for power play scenes, but definitely not something I want to do every time.
What Does It All Mean?
So. Knowing that my sex life depends heavily on her ability to get wet and puffy at the convenient time, when does my vagina decide to get aroused?
NOT in the evening when we finally have some alone time and are getting naked.
NOT in the morning during the post-snooze-pre-getting-up cuddles when the Sir has raging morning wood.
And NOT when we’re getting dressed for the day and have a few minutes before leaving.
But RIGHT AS WE’RE WALKING OUT THE DOOR. Bam. My damn cunt suddenly starts screaming “I want dick! Want dick now!”
Really bitch!? You couldn’t get your act together 30 minutes ago?!?!
And it lasts. All. Fucking. Day. Usually, by 11, I can’t even focus on what I’m doing for the screaming vagina.
Oh And There’s This
As if that’s not enough, if she doesn’t get what she wants, she throws a fucking temper tantrum. I start feeling inexplicably grumpy and my libido crashes so by the time evening rolls around and I actually have time to pay attention, I don’t even want sex anymore. The only remedy is to make sure I satisfy the monster with an orgasm.
I have masturbated in so many public restrooms, you’d think it was a fetish. But no, I’m just at the mercy of my damn plumbing.
Essentially, I have a female version of erectile dysfunction. (Side note: why is there not a term for this? Do women so rarely have this problem? Or are we just supposed to assume that a woman not getting aroused with her partner is normal?) Paired with the mental sex drive of a teenage boy. Being me is weird.
But the comparison to erectile dysfunction has actually been very healthy. When the convenient moment rolls around, I’m often guilty of putting pressure on myself. Like, “come on, vagina, we only have 20 minutes to rock this out, let’s go go go!” Because stressing yourself out is super sexy. Obviously.
Bringing It All Together
This is where having an understanding partner has been an absolute necessity. Once I figured out what was going on and could put words to it (which, admittedly, took me way longer than it should have), he immediately started creating spaces where I didn’t NEED to get aroused. For us, that often involves our thing for power play. “I don’t care if you aren’t turned on, I want to eat your pussy, so lie back and get comfortable. You’re going to be there a while.” Works like a charm.
Have you guys/gals/people had this problem? What did you do to address it? I’m still at the beginning stages of dealing with the issue, but I feel like I’m on the right path.
Read My Impolite Vagina Part 1 Here!
Notes From Parker Rose
Afterward by Parker Rose: We always appreciate you stopping by to our site, please send a note on our twitter account or the contact page here if you have topics you would like to see covered or have questions. Opening Gateways is an Ann Arbor BDSM group with kink events in Ann Arbor, BDSM classes in Ann Arbor, and other events. We also host events in other areas, and are very knowledgeable. If you are interested in Detroit kink events, Royal Oak kink events, or other Michigan BDSM events, send a note! We are happy to connect people to groups and help people have safe time learning about kink. Thanks again!
