What is vetting? When first stepping into the world of BDSM, one of the first terms you might come across is “vetting.” What does vetting mean though? This article explores the term. Vetting can be different across groups and individuals. Find information on the vetting done by Opening Gateways at the end of this article.
What Is Vetting?
The definition of vetting is to make a careful and critical examination of something, in most cases a person or group. In the BDSM community, people often go through vetting prior to attending events or participating in a play scene.
There are multiple levels of vetting that are available. Some people ask respected community members about the person they want to vet. Others ask to meet in a public space first to talk. There is more information on the steps that taken further down in this blog. Opening Gateways uses a combination of these to vet new members.
Vetting is done on three different levels with Opening Gateways, depending on the type of event the person is going through vetting for. While vetting can explore personality, trustworthiness, past interactions, and other elements, no vetting process is perfect. It is still up to the individuals in the BDSM community to do their own version of vetting when meeting up with people. This is true when socializing, going to kink parties, or general play. In addition, always make sure to take proper safety precautions whenever meeting up in person for the first time.
Why Should You Vet People?
Why do people need to be assessed prior to events and scenes? Kink events and play scenes require both trust and open communication. If someone is going to bottom in a scene, they need to know their top is going to respect boundaries and needs. When someone is a top, they need to know that their bottom is going to clearly communicate their boundaries. If a scene involves sex or other intimate acts, everyone in it needs to be aware of any possible health risks. While much of the BDSM community respects the boundaries of fellow members, some individuals may engage in risky or predatory behavior.
Beyond safety reasons, vetting also allows individuals to assess their compatibility. Comparing wants, needs, limits, desires, morals, and other information is essential. It allows people to test the waters and get a taste of how another person will react in their events or scenes. For these reasons and more, individuals and groups will often vet any new members.
How Long Does It Take?
As an individual, vetting a person can be both direct and somewhat fast. People may be able to quickly answer questions and provide additional information to be vetted. Combined, these can let you know whether or not your visions of meeting, playing, or being in a kink dynamic are compatible. For group events, organizers might just ask for a couple of references from already vetted members.
However, a group or individual may take longer to vet new people. Some groups require that a new member attend a few public events before attending a play party. This gives a more detailed exploration of how a new person engages with others. It gives some information on how they move among their community. Similarly, individuals often want to meet with a potential play partner several times in public before doing a private play scene. For sexual activities, someone may also request that the individual receive an STI panel. Regardless of how long the vetting process takes, the goal is always to ensure the safety and enjoyment of all participating.
When Do You Start The Vetting Process?
Vetting can start almost immediately through initial in-person or online conversations. People often want to get to know a person in an organic way, which can be a form of vetting on its own. There is often a few questions , including a short conversation via text or in person. Group organizers might host a happy hour or other types of meet and greet events as part of the process. These public events offer both a safe space for individuals to vet each other and for organizers to vet new members in an informal setting.
At Opening Gateways, the vetting process starts when you reach out to ask about vetting. After letting Opening Gateways know you are interested in attending events, the team begins. For play parties, vetting is an essential part of the process. Opening Gateways does not disclose the location of certain events to individuals who have not gone through vetting. That said, no vetting process is perfect and it is important for people to take proper safety precautions. Always communicate before playing with people both in a out of events.
Example Questions For Vetting Individuals
If you are person who is looking to vet another, you will want to get to know them. Sometimes this involves asking relevant and pertinent questions to gather information. There are other ways to gather information to form a conclusion as well. If you’re not sure what to ask about, the following questions are a good place to start:
What are your interests?
What forms of BDSM do you practice?
Are you wanting a single partnership, multiple person partnership, or something more casual?
Do you practice BDSM in real life or only virtually.
Are you active in the local BDSM community?
How do you feel you are viewed in the BDSM community around you?
What are your views on safewords?
Do you have some protocols that you expect?
Are you a sadist and/or masochist? If so, to what degree?
What are some examples of punishments you use?
How do you practice safe sex with your partner/partners?
Some of these questions work for individuals specifically, while others are best for both groups and individuals. Taking the time to do proper vetting can reduce risk. There is no way to eliminate all risk, so make sure to research BDSM safety and come up with your own processes, The goal is to to maximize the likelihood of a successful outcome. You can ask about history, style of BDSM, and other relevant information. Always stay safe, be careful, and pay attention to any red flags that you come across. If you have questions or comments, feel free to reach out.
Opening Gateways Vetting Process
There are a few different types of events and parties that Opening Gateways hosts, with varying amounts of vetting required for attendance. Elements of vetting that can be done include those that are discussed above.
The first type includes the casual social gatherings. Some of these are classified as munches, and others are just people getting together in places where everybody does their own thing socially. These events are not play parties. While these events don’t typically require vetting before attending, they are part of the vetting process for other types of events. Come to these events so the community and organizing team can get to know you. In addition to Opening Gateways social gatherings, Parker Rose is often at other munches, social events, and BDSM parties in the Southeast Michigan area, including Ann Arbor and Detroit. On occasion and when time permits, it may be possible to do some vetting over coffee, lunch, or virtually.
More About The Vetting Process
The second type of events hosted by Opening Gateways are public BDSM events. The rule structure for these events is slightly different than those of private events. If you are looking for Michigan kink events that are more private and flexible in nature, the vetting is a little more in depth. These private parties are by invite only.
If you are interested in being vetted for the Opening Gateways kink parties, send a note to Parker Rose on Fetlife, or send an email to openinggateways@gmail.com. These are the two ways to initiate the vetting process. You can also show up to any of the public social gatherings or take note of when the team at Opening Gateways is traveling to munches or other kink events.
Within the vetting process, mutual friends and people within the community can also be reached out to. The public parties require vetting as well, though the vetting is not as extensive. Vetting is not a replacement for any other safety precautions people should be taking before meeting up with, interacting with, or playing with people. Make sure to do research on how to safely meet new people in the BDSM community, and take a look at the other resources available here at Opening Gateways.
More About Opening Gateways
Opening Gateways is also here to help support other community events. Whether you are looking for kink parties in Royal Oak, BDSM events in Detroit, or kink in Southeast Michigan, this website is here to assist. Find kink munches in Ann Arbor, BDSM munches in Detroit, and other social events in the area here. Opening Gateways is looking forward to seeing you at events soon. Make sure to familiarize yourself with the rules of any Opening Gateways event before attending. Also, take a look at What Is Vetting? – Part 2.
If you are looking for other ways to interact with people and explain your BDSM knowledge, take a look at the OG chat site. Each week, Opening Gateways hosts a BDSM Twitter chat. Whether virtually or in person, Opening Gateways is excited to expand awareness of BDSM and maintain a great BDSM community.
