written by Parker Rose
As explored in Red Flags In Kink (the blog previous to this one), there can be a lot to be aware of in BDSM, including red flags for subs. Fortunately, a lot of these kink red flag for subs overlap with those for Dom(me)s. While it is notable this can make awareness easier, there is more. If you are pursuing a new sub, here is some additional information that is esstenial to look over. Also, it is fantastic for people who have been in a BDSM relationship for a while.
Use this checklist to help ensure you are in a safe and healthy situation. As you use this, consider the different effect each question will have in context of the different kink spheres. Take a moment to read them in our first blog in this set. It is called BDSM Safety Part 1. Take note, many red flags will involve/stem from The Intimate.
Kink Red Flags For Subs – Part One
- Is your interest a little TOO enthusiastic to get involved in a relationship with you?
- Plus, do they seem eager to the point of immediate infatuation and unabashed willingness? Often this is a sign of lack of self-awareness and control, which can result in the sub doing things against their actual boundaries.
- Also, do they claim they want to “take it all?”
- Is your interest openly communicating their boundaries?
- Do they give ongoing consent? Are they unable to speak during a scene? Do you have visual cues to abide by if something goes wrong?
- On the flip side, do they adhere to previously established boundaries/rules?
- Is your interest bratty without being receptive to punishment?
- While being a brat can be fun, but without proper consensual repercussions, that brat behavior is really just assholery.
- Ask yourself, does your interest easily sway and change their mind? Do they agree to your desires without thinking first?
- Does your interest try to guilt you into feeling/acting a certain way?
- Do they complain or get aggressive because they’re not getting what they want?
- Do they incite jealousy at the expense of your relationships with other people?
- Have they attempted to distance or cut you off from your relationships?
More Information – Part Two
- Does your interest dismiss your concerns or feelings?
- Does your interest stay in Sub mode, even in inappropriate circumstances?
- Do they participate with other “authority” without acquiring consent/talking about boundaries?
- Are they unable to accept responsibility for their actions?
- Does your interest have extreme mood swings. Do they disappear on you for varying periods of time?
- Do they fail to fulfill promises/arrangements on a regular basis?
- Does your interest actively express gratitude for your relationship?
Thanks for reading, Opening Gateways is dedicated to helping provide top information about kink. Use our contact page or comment below with questions or thoughts. Opening Gateways hosts BDSM events in Ann Arbor, including kink parties in Ann Arbor, kink classes, and can help point you to Ann Arbor kink munches and other A2 BDSM groups as well. Parker Rose, who helps coordinate the group can be found on Twitter at @OpeningGateways.
Take some time to check out the Opening Gateways BDSM events in Ann Arbor, as well as the Ann Arbor kink classes offered at Opening Gateways and beyond.
Red Flags Checklist, Part 2.
In Part 3: BDSM red flags specific to Dom(mes).
I highly recommend reading them!
Also, take a look at our growing Facebook Page. As we get rolling, there will be more there. Plus, take a look at our Common Kink Rules and BDSM Etiquette page.
