written by Parker Rose
It’s important learn to about BDSM safety tips early on, ideally before attending Ann Arbor kink events or events elsewhere. As fulfilling as the lifestyle can be, there is critical information people should know about when getting started. Also, the same applies to getting into BDSM relationships. If we rush and don’t take inventory when it counts, we may find ourselves in a dangerous power exchange. There are other things to be aware of as well. Being a part of the Ann Arbor kink community, or any BDSM community, needs a focus on education.
Before Attending Kink Events, Part 1
If you’re reading this article, then chances are you probably already know what BDSM is to some extent. It’s likely you’re curious about how to participate safely. Reading great resources can be a great starting point. Welcome! Just like any regular relationship, consent, trust, and open communication are the core pillars to a healthy kinky relationship.
BDSM is founded on mutually beneficial exchanges of power. A D/s relationship, for instance, is a power exchange between individuals where there is a clear Dominant and clear submissive (this is true even with Switches, where who is dominant vs. submissive may be “fought” over in an exchange). Each party is getting what they want out of the exchange because dom(me)s seek “control.” The subs seek being “controlled.” Specifically, a D/s relationship can have the outward appearance of a unilateral power exchange–that of the Dom(me) to the sub–it is actually true of the opposite. Rather, subs are indirectly “in control” because BDSM itself is built on the foundation of consent.
Before Attending Kink Events, Part 2
The Sub must consent to what is happening at all times, and the Dom(me) must not act outside that construct of consent. If this happens, it is easy for someone to get hurt, though both subs and dom(me)s are responsible to keep the exchange healthy and safe. The most important aspect of any BDSM interaction is open, ongoing, and enthusiastic communication from both sides. If we do not communicate our needs, desires, and limits, then disaster is bound to occur.
Not having a healthy combination of open communication and consent in a relationship can be a significant red flag. However, before even reaching the point of open communication, there is one great way to avoid disaster. Pay attention to the red flags in kink from the very start, and act accordingly. It is imperative to not ignore the signs. Trust me, your future self will thank you.
Three Social Spheres Of Kink In Ann Arbor
The Casual – Things Like Ann Arbor Munches
Before getting into the nitty gritty, I would like to first explain that there are three social spheres that exist in the kink community. The first social sphere is The Casual. This sphere is includes many things, like meetings, parties, or regular outings that involve kink people, but are not kink oriented. For instance, here in Michigan, the Ann Arbor kink groups host monthly meetups called “munches,” as well as “kinky-queer” meetups, where some kink business by Ann Arbor (A2) kink community leaders for the sake of keeping things current takes place. The majority of the time is playing games together, eating, and building general comradery, though.
The Event – Things Like Ann Arbor Play Parties
The second social sphere is called The Event. This, as you may realize already, is the next level up from The Casual. People gather for meetings, parties, or events, specifically to talk about, watch, or participat in kink. There are many Ann Arbor kink events, and most communities have events happening. Some are more private than others.
This sphere is typically reserved for those who are already involved in a BDSM lifestyle. Sometimes newcomers are welcome to join too, depending on the type of event. Also, some groups require that people attend munches and other gatherings in The Casual category before attending. In this sphere, participants will almost always encounter some kind of waiver form to be signed for safety and legal purposes.
The Intimate – Connecting With People On A Larger Level
Another step in the process for many people is The Intimate. This sphere typically involves one-on-one interaction. It can be the intimacy of two individuals, though not always. (group sex/play is a thing some decide to do, lol). The Intimate has its name to describe the closer connection between participants. As you may guess, The Intimate may and often does take place within the other spheres (e.g. partners going to Ann Arbor kink events or meetups together).
Each sphere has its own corresponding intensity when it comes to connection. Each person may look at them a little differently. The intensity of connection in The Casual is low, and then scales higher to highest in The Intimate, savvy? Now let’s get to those early red flags, which you will want to be aware of before attending Ann Arbor kink events or BDSM events near you.
Red Parts Two, Three, and Four!
Take some time to check out the Opening Gateways BDSM events in Ann Arbor, as well as the Ann Arbor kink classes offered at Opening Gateways and beyond.
In Red Flags Part 2, things get a bit more in depth with a red flag checklist to look over. In Part 3, we explore BDSM red flags specific to Dom(mes). Part 4 is BDSM flags for subs to be aware of. I highly recommend reading these! Also, take a look at our growing Facebook Page. As we get rolling, there will be more there. Plus, take a look at our Common Kink Rules and BDSM Etiquette page.
There are tons of things happening in the Ann Arbor kink scene and beyond. Get ready for some fun learning kink in Michigan and online! See you soon.
