For some reason, we Westerners have this weird fascination with anal. Maybe it’s the love of butts, maybe it’s the fact that it’s kind of taboo, but it’s a classic thing ladies offer as a bribe.
Frankly, I don’t really get it. You have a huge number of nerves in and around your butthole. (I mean, it has to tell the difference between a fart and a poop.) Lots of nerves = good place to stimulate for sexy times. And you know the very best thing about anal? Everyone has a butt! So everyone can do it! And penis-havers get an even better deal than vagina-havers, because penis-havers have the prostate, which is basically the be-penis-ed version of a g-spot.
But then again, I FUCKING LOVE ANAL. Seriously, I cum faster and harder from anal sex than just about anything else. I don’t expect everyone’s bodies to be like mine, but all things considered, I have a good deal of experience taking it up the ass.
So here are some tips for anal from a card-carrying anal whore. [Symbol]
- Shit happens. If you or your partner is absolutely unable to deal with the possibility of poop, anal might not be for you two.
- Start by yourself. If you’re someone who finds masturbation enjoyable, definitely start your anal adventure solo. Do you need to be really aroused to get in? Do you like being touched just around the outside (rimming)? Is there a good spot on the inside? Is it better when you’re also stimulating other sensitive parts (clit, penis, g-spot, etc)?
- Lube. There’s really no such thing as too much. Feel free to experiment with drier insertions (some people enjoy that burny feeling), but for the most part, slick is better.
- Start small. Like, pinky finger small. If the first thing in your butt is penis-sized, you’re doing it wrong.
- Respect the vagina. If you have a vagina, make sure that nothing, NOTHING that even touches your asshole touches your vagina. I repeat. Pussy-to-ass: fine. Ass-to-pussy: FUCK NO. There are bacteria in the back door that will fuck over your pussy’s PH. Also UTIs are not a thing you want. If it’s a major fantasy of your partner’s to bounce back and forth between holes and you’d like to fulfill that fantasy, you might consider using an in- or female-condom.
- Relax. The muscles in your sphincter are actually always clenched, and you need them to relax. Try clenching as hard as you possibly can while breathing in deeply, then releasing the tension while you breathe out. Repeat as needed.
- Give it a minute. It might not feel great the first few seconds. Make sure you have plenty of lube, go slow, and hold on a minute or two. Personally, I find I have to keep steady stimulation on clit/pussy at this stage.
- Clean up. If you’re worried about your sheets, feel free to put a towel down. Other than that, be sure to shower/cleanse afterwards. Even if no accidents happened, you should wash the lube/fluids off, since they might run to unwelcome places. (Like a vagina.) Use the shower time for post-sex cuddles. Or more sex.
- Aftermath. So you just had anal sex for the first time. Yay!!! Enjoy the afterglow! Once you’re out of it, there’s something you should know. Whether it’s because the muscles are taking their sweet time going back to normal or because you got cum in the bum, you might poop weird for the next 24 hours. Don’t worry, it’s normal. As long as there isn’t blood or evidence of tearing (and if you took it slow and used lots of lube like I told you, there shouldn’t be), you’re fine.
- Prepare. If you know you’re going to start experimenting with anal or think anal might be more common in your bag of sexy sex tricks, be sure to get your fiber. Supplements, salads, whatever. You want your bowel movements healthy and firm.
That’s all for now, folks. Happy sexing!
