So, some concepts.
One Twue Way
There is no one right way to do D/s relationships. Let me say that louder for the people in the back. THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO D/s RELATIONSHIPS. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to make a little hill to be king/queen of. There are definitely wrong ways to do D/s, and those are abusive and wrong, but with the practically infinite variety of human sexuality, the idea that there might be a single path that would work for everyone is simply ludicrous. We call that non-existent path the One Twue Way.
YKINMKBYKIO
Opening yourself up to kink and kinky sex is opening yourself to a whole new world of possibilities. There are five times, ten times, twenty times the possibilities in the kink world than there are in vanilla relationships. And frankly, you’re not going to be into all of them. But someone else is. Just like you wouldn’t want someone making yuck faces at the thing that gets you off, so they wouldn’t either. Embrace the principle Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is OK.
Some resources:
An interview with someone who lives the life:
A sex educator goes to a dungeon to try things out:
Books:
There are loads of books out there, and I haven’t read all of them. These are the ones I personally have both read and found useful. I’m sure there are others that are good too. Just take everything with a grain of salt, realize that everything is based on personal experiences, and please, for the love of fuzzy handcuffs, don’t treat fictional novels like 101 guides.
Playing on the Edge
This is an ethnography of the kink community that really helped me when I was getting my feet. It’s absolutely essential to discover that you and the people like you are just that – people. (There’s another ethnography out there, called Techniques of Pleasure, but I haven’t read it so can’t comment on it.)
Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships
Power Exchange 201. Dan and Dawn have been in the scene for a long time, actively presenting, writing, and educating. Their take on power exchange relationships really proved enlightening for me when I was a baby kinkster. (Incidentally, they also do a podcast – Erotic Awakenings – which is my all-time favorite sex-related podcast. Find that here: http://eroticawakening.libsyn.com/ )
Paradigms of Power
Power Exchange 301. Proceed with caution, but do proceed. This is a collection of essays written by people who do full-time power exchange talking about how they personally do things. Because it’s coming from as many perspectives as the curator could find, and because he was trying hard to be as unbiased as possible, there are a few essays that make me want to fling the book against a wall. That said, there are some who struck a chord deep in my gut and gave me a new perspective on how I behave in relationships. And I have yet to see a collection containing such a wide variety of styles power exchange relationships so well expressed. So. Treat this book like a buffet. Take what you like, leave what you don’t.
Real Service
S-types 201, specifically how to do submission in non-sexy settings. Really useful to me when transitioning into a 24/7 relationship. Also enlightening about how I do service.
