Millions of people are reading BDSM erotica, checking out top kink websites like Wasteland, seeing movies and reading popular books like 50 Shades of Gray (which is not accurate). While some of the entertainment that is out there is inaccurate, there are websites that focus on realistic BDSM sex, and there is no doubt that people’s curiosity is increasing when it comes to the topic.
That said, even though kink is becoming more accepted around the world, it can be a little bit nerve-racking to bring the topic up to a partner that you have have. How to start a conversation with your partner about BDSM and your interest in it is easier to do when you are prepared. This article will give you tips on how to talk to your partner about kink. Many people have tried BDSM in their past, and even more are curious about it. If you have been having fantasies about getting spanked, time your partner up, getting blindfolded, or doing roleplay, these four tips will help you have a smooth conversation with your partner.
Approach Is Everything
Approach your partner about BDSM does not mean they are going to say yes, nor does it mean they are going to say no. In many cases, emotions come forward and longer discussions happen. By being ready to open up about your desires, while also not judging your partner for theirs – Or their lack of desire for certain things – is essential. The idea is to be nonjudgmental, express curiosity, and collaborate with your partner about places that might work for both of you. Being blindfolded and doing sensual kink play is a lot different than pulling out a paddle, as an example.
Researching BDSM Before You Talk
This is important for many reasons. Finding out what it is you like about BDSM, or what you are interested in, is a great first step. People often focus on things that they might be a little bit hesitant to do when it comes to kink in bondage. Create a list for yourself, and focus on some of the things that are good to experience kink, while also not being intimidating.
Research those things, and if you are wanting specific kinks or fetishes, make sure to research the ones you want, as well as ones that your partner might want as well. These can include things like:
- Blindfolds
- Roleplay
- New Sex Toys
- Dirty Talk
- Handcuffs
- Sex While Watching Porn Together
And numerous others. Some people use the introduction of these things to talk about power exchange and getting a little bit more naughty in the bedroom. BDSM implements, like floggers, crops, and others, Can be used not only for sadism and masochism, but also for pleasant sensual feelings. Be ready to express your partner that negotiations will be part of what you do, and research how to do scene negotiations in BDSM. Also make sure you are knowledgeable about safe words, aftercare, and other communications. The articles on this website are fantastic to give you tips for BDSM topics like these. There is even a great article on “How To Use This Website” with some tips for navigating and not getting overwhelmed. There is a ton of information here!
Talk About Desires And Also Boundaries
Some of what is listed in the section above include BDSM boundaries and how to approach them. As people learn and grow, their boundaries may change, but it is possible that more will be added or that a person’s preferences will stay the same. All of these are valid, and approaching your conversation with that in mind is essential. Your partner needs to feel, and be, respected, and everyone’s feelings and interests should be taken into consideration when Talking about BDSM with your partner. There are numerous articles on this website to help you. Remember that BDSM is hot because the people who are doing it are both enjoying it. If either partner is not enjoying the particular type of BDSM you are trying out, communicate and either move on to trying other things or take a break and come back to it later if you both want to. Here are some top BDSM articles on this website for talking about desires and boundaries.
- Desires and Boundaries
- Scene Negotiation 101
- A Couples journey Into Kink – A Starting Guide
Play The Long Game
There many tips to exploring BDSM, as well as tips to communicate with your partner. Trying out BDSM involves a lot of trust, and one of the best strategies is to start slow. There are many educational classes for BDSM out there, and there may be some in your area. If you are active in the Michigan BDSM scene, and are looking for BDSM education and Ann Arbor, BDSM education in Detroit, BDSM education and Royal Oak, and other cities around the area you can reach out to Opening Gateways to get help finding a nearby group. There are plenty of other resources for kink as well, for finding kink classes in other areas.
By following a process like the one described in the blog here titled “Venturing Into Kink Further,” you can get an idea of the processes that are important for progressing at the best pace for you and your partner, if you have agrees to start this adventure together. Also, make sure to check out the “Top Ten Opening Gateways Articles For People Starting In Kink.” They are listed in order, and the article has a strategy for reading them too. Awesome!
Final Notes
There are tons of people who are interested in BDSM, including many couples who have simply not communicated that they have fantasies and want to explore new things in bed. If you are approaching your partner, keep in mind that they probably have desires as well, and respect their feelings about those just like you will want them to respect your feelings. Start small, moving on the path to sexual exploration through BDSM can be an exciting adventure!
